In rural life, pressure doesn’t always arrive in one big moment. It shows up in the long days, the constant decision making and the responsibility that follows you from the paddock to the kitchen table. It can also be kilometres between you and the nearest place where you might stop a while to chat to someone else. When connection feels hard to come by, the ways people switch off or come together can start to carry more weight than we realise.
For many rural men, the expectation to ‘just get on with it’ runs deep. Self-reliance is perceived as a strength that keeps businesses moving, families provided for and communities going when times are tough. Pressure becomes relentless, isolation and loneliness overwhelming, and the stigma around being tough can keep you silenced. Using substances, whether it be legal, illicit, or overuse of prescribed to take the edge off, to sleep or to feel steady enough to keep showing up day in day out, can become an appealing quick relief.
As RAMHP Coordinator Matthew Milne explains, alcohol (a legal and commonly used recreational drug) often becomes part of how men socially connect. “It can be the thing that brings men together”, he says. Whether that’s after sport, at the pub, for a celebration or during downtime. It can ‘take the edge off’ in the short term, but it’s not solving the problem in the long run.
This isn’t about judgement, blame nor labels. It’s about understanding what’s underneath; having an awareness around the use of substances for coping, and looking to create safer, more sustainable ways to carry the load. To understand why this so commonly happens, it helps to look at the realities of rural life.
Why rural coping can look different
Life and work in rural Australia come with many varied realities that shape how people manage stress. Isolation and distance can limit or change access to support, and sometimes privacy can feel hard to come by in small towns. Workdays can be long, physical, and unpredictable, and uncertainty from things like weather, markets, costs, external world events and workforce pressure, can keep the ground shifting under each decision. This is often referred to as cumulative adversity and it can take its toll.
When there are fewer recreational outlets, coping options can narrow. A drink when you get home after work can feel like a simple way to unwind, but when alcohol substance use becomes the main way to manage stress, loneliness or pressure, it can gradually become harder to switch off without it.
“It’s this reoccurring reliance on alcohol that is often one of the first indications that something is awry,” says Matthew.
Over time, that constant need for adjustment to life events, coupled with frequent, binge or excess drinking, can wear down even the most capable of operators. This is not due to a lack of resilience, but because carrying uncertainty day after day takes a toll. When stress becomes the background noise of life, a short‑term coping strategy (consuming alcohol or a substance) can start to feel like the only accessible option. In Australia particularly, excessive use of substances is often socially accepted and even celebrated, they can be laughed off or overlooked, allowing these habits to continue longer than optimal.
When coping starts to cost more than it gives
Not every change is obvious, with the signs sometimes subtle. For example, when the pressure doesn’t ease, yet you notice you’re not bouncing back the way you used to.
It can present in small ways, such as feeling constantly on edge, having a shorter temper, or finding it harder to make decisions. It could be pulling back from seeing mates or skipping social events because it’s easier than explaining how you’re really going. These shifts aren’t a sign of weakness. They can be normal responses to prolonged pressure and they’re also a cue to check in with yourself, and if you can, with someone you trust.
Another common example is sleep. Matthew explains that while alcohol can help some people get to sleep, it doesn’t support quality sleep, meaning people often wake up tired and repeat the same cycle the next night. Over time, tolerance can also build, meaning more alcohol is needed to get the same effect.
Practical ways to steady the load
The goal isn’t to tell people to “just stop” drinking or using substances. The goal is to show there are options in managing challenges, especially those of rural life. Often, it’s less about giving something up and more about shifting the setting like catching up over a cuppa instead of drinks; sometimes it’s as simple as changing the time of day when your social connection happens.
A common way to assess the impact of substance use on a person’s life is to think about the Four L’s: Love (relationships), Livelihood (work and finances), Law (safety and legal issues), and Liver (your physical and mental health). If drinking or drug use is causing concerns or problems in any of these areas, it may be time to reach out and have a conversation about support.
A helpful starting point can be focusing energy where it counts. Try thinking about the Circles of Control model – separating what’s ‘outside your control’, from ‘what you can influence’ and ‘what sits within your control’. When you’re under pressure, worry can spread and consume every corner. Sorting it can bring things back to something workable and help restore a sense of control through small, practical actions. If change feels hard, small guardrails can help, like setting limits, alternating alcohol‑free days, or nominating yourself as designated driver.
Strengths‑based coping can also look like:
- Staying connected, even in small ways: a drive‑by chat, a quick check‑in, showing up to footy training even if you don’t feel like talking much. Connection protects against overwhelm, especially if alcohol has become the default way to catch up.
- Building brief recovery into the day, like you would any other maintenance task: a few minutes to pause, breathe, or step outside without an agenda – give yourself a break.
How to support someone you care about
If you’re reading this as someone concerned about a mate, there are some simple ways you can help. Opening up can be difficult, so being present, noticing changes, and keeping the door open can help someone feel less alone. You don’t need the perfect words. Being present, noticing changes, and keeping the door open can help someone feel less alone.
It can also help to consider how to best approach someone you’re worried about. Many people find it easier to speak while doing something practical (driving, fencing, walking the dogs) rather than sitting down for a big ‘conversation’. By focusing on what you’ve noticed about their behaviour, it can help separate the actions from the person themselves and can make the conversation less confronting for them to hear. This approach can encourage openness and disclosure, without judgement.
A simple way to start could be: “I noticed you seemed to go harder than usual last weekend, just wanted to check in and see if you’re okay.”
Choosing the right time and place, outside of social settings (particularly ones where substances are being used) can make these conversations easier to have.
Reaching out is a strength, not a last resort
Support doesn’t have to wait until things are at breaking point. It can be a simple initial conversation with a trusted mate, a GP, a counsellor or a support service. Small shifts noticed early can make the road ahead feel more manageable. You don’t have to carry it on your own.
If this feels familiar for you, or someone close to you, RAMHP can help you take the next step. Find your local RAMHP Coordinator or access our suite of resources any time.