Having a baby is one of life’s biggest moments. Each day of pregnancy is carefully marked on the calendar, from the first flutter of tiny kicks to nerve-wracking ultrasounds and, finally, the big day. Then, in an instant, everything changes. The world doesn’t slow down, but yours does. Between caring for a newborn and managing everyday life, exhaustion and worry can creep in quietly. For many parents, those feelings fade. But for others, they stay, heavier, longer, and harder to name.
Feeling anxious, emotional or overwhelmed after having a baby doesn’t mean you’re failing. It’s normal to experience a period of adjustment as you find your feet as a new mum or dad while juggling the expectations placed on you, by society, or even yourself.
Sometimes though, there are subtle signs that whisper of a deeper struggle. The racing thoughts. The constant worry. The tension, hopelessness, or loss of enjoyment in things you once loved. This can look different for everyone such as withdrawing from hobbies, frequently checking your baby’s breathing, or struggling to manage your emotions, but they’re all potential signs that you might be experiencing a perinatal mental health or wellbeing challenge.
If you’ve experienced these feelings, you’re not alone. One in five new mums and one in ten new dads in Australia are affected by perinatal mental health challenges, either during pregnancy or in the first year after birth. For some, it builds slowly. For others, it appears suddenly, without warning. Recognising the signs is the first step toward feeling like yourself again.
Living in rural and regional areas can bring its own hurdles. Fewer local services, long travel times for medical services, and feeling more isolated from family or close friends are just some of these unique challenges. The fear of opening up about how you feel in communities that often have the mentality of ‘tough it out’ can make it even harder to talk about the daily struggles. There’s also the overwhelming feeling of guilt that this should be one of the happiest times of your life when perhaps it’s far from that for you.
Yet, regional and rural areas often have some of the most supportive and close-knit communities. People notice when something’s not right, and the culture of looking out for each other is powerful. It shows up as a knock on the door, a wave from the ute, or dropping off a meal to help out. In many small towns, connection grows where it’s needed most. In local shops, over cups of tea, and through shared stories or challenges.
Everyone has tough days, but if the bad days start to outweigh the good, it may be time to reach out. Persistent feelings of excessive worry, racing or impulsive thoughts, catastrophising situations, or finding it hard to bond with your baby are just a few of the cues to look out for. It could be in yourself, your partner, your friend or even someone in your mother’s group.
You don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes just starting a conversation or suggesting a chat with a GP or PANDA can make a real difference.
Just as symptoms of perinatal depression and anxiety look different for everyone, so does the type of support that helps. Some new parents find comfort in local mums and bubs groups or a friendly chat at the health clinic. Others prefer the privacy and convenience of telehealth counselling from home. In regional and rural areas, programs like the Rural Adversity Mental Health Program (RAMHP) can connect you with local services and resources, while national organisations like PANDA offer guidance and understanding wherever you are. However, you reach out, support is often closer than it seems, and a single conversation can help lighten the load.
Research tells us that dads living in rural or remote areas are less likely to seek help for mental health challenges, even though the risk of suicide increases the further someone lives from a city. Many fathers in rural, remote and FIFO communities can be reluctant to seek help due to stigma around mental health and feeling expected to conform to traditional masculinity norms.
In some instances, FIFO contractors may not have paid parental leave, meaning birth parents might be left alone with a newborn while their partners must return to work quickly. The experience of rural dads, who are unlikely to have parental leave or access to a community of other new dads, face challenges balancing new parenthood with work. This is especially common for families juggling responsibilities of rural/FIFO life with the demands of a new baby.
More than 70 per cent of rural mums say isolation is the hardest part of rural motherhood. PANDA counsellors can schedule regular check-ins with you to see how you’re going. Having these regular phone calls helps create a sense of connection and PANDA helpline staff can monitor your emotional well-being. It can be as simple as having a friendly and calm voice at the end of the line on a day where you are really struggling.
It’s also important as a new or expecting parent to take some time to focus on your own self-care. This includes taking care of your mental, emotional, physical, social and practical needs. For those living rurally or remotely, self-care may need to be balanced alongside the demands of running a farm or seasonal demands. Try and think of quick, simple and low-cost things you can incorporate into your day. A moment in the shade with a cuppa, a walk to the mailbox with the dog, listening to your favourite music on the way into town. Take notice of how you feel after you have engaged in these activities.
Life in the bush has its challenges, but it also has its strengths in community, resilience, and people who genuinely care. Early parenthood isn’t always smooth, and that’s okay. You don’t have to walk that path alone. Even in the most remote places, connection and understanding can be found close to home.
If you’re finding the early days of parenthood tough, your local RAMHP Coordinator is here to help.
Other helpful resources include:
- Motherland run the Motherland Village which is open to rural and remote mums who are seeking connection. Free places are available via their scholarship scheme.
- Motherland Connect is an online resource for rural mums in Australia. The platform connects women to the services they need to support their mental, emotional and physical health, along with their families.
- SMS4dads is free and provides support, information and tips, especially for dads and dads-to-be, all via text. SMS4DeadlyDads sends short texts with tips, information and links to your phone just when you and your baby need it.